My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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