if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you win again, gameday.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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