I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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