My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
