Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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