Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
