hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
