My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
