If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
