so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
