just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
