i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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