Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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