1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
