Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
