whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course I have a pirate flag
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