I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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