i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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