I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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