As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
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By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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