im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
