How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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