don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
