I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
