Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
