so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
two words: eviction party
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
