Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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