We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
