I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Semen is not good for contacts.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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