You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
