I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
only you would photoshop your dick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
