he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
