I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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