Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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