I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
