Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
