I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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