the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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