9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
