why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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