the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
