In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
