you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
