I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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