You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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