What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
