Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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