he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
