I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
PANTIES FOUND
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
