My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
