I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
