I'm going to jail i love you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
