i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
