Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
