Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
