heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
