k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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