You really coming over, don't trick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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