The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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