when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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