Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
