my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
