OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
