Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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