What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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