All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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