cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
