Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
