so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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