pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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