So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He shit in the fireplace
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
