Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just pynch a tree in the face
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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