we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...