So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.