Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK

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  (989): if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK http://tfl.nu/niip
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (876)
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  (559): View more from California

  I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.

  (1-559): View more from California

  Yup.

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  (559): I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again. (1-559): Yup. http://tfl.nu/egb3
  Replies (20) Good night (1300) Bad night (2619)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.

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  (830): she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again. http://tfl.nu/v31h
  Replies (17) Good night (1112) Bad night (4814)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.

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  (571): I seriously fake cumming more than i poop. http://tfl.nu/kwns
  Replies (33) Good night (799) Bad night (5681)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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  (240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx
  Replies (30) Good night (5795) Bad night (1033)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

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  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (6432) Bad night (1079)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.

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  (613): Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say. http://tfl.nu/8sw1
  Replies (20) Good night (865) Bad night (9620)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.

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  (972): I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car. http://tfl.nu/qc2u
  Replies (3) Good night (1149) Bad night (2485)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.

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  (316): How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/n6dt
  Replies (15) Good night (2718) Bad night (1910)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  "Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.

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  (314): "Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high. (1-314): When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic. http://tfl.nu/714c
  Replies (2) Good night (962) Bad night (455)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight

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  (614): i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight http://tfl.nu/khiw
  Replies (8) Good night (937) Bad night (343)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE

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  (425): How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE http://tfl.nu/8cuk
  Replies (9) Good night (1034) Bad night (380)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a Jersey thing

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  (732): He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet. (216): It's a Jersey thing http://tfl.nu/jggk
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (590)
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  (562): View more from California

  The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons

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  (562): The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons http://tfl.nu/bjub
  Replies (0) Good night (508) Bad night (337)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.

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  (812): The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle. http://tfl.nu/mnd4
  Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (431)

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