i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.