I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID