If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night