We won't sleep together?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.