when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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