I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
