Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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