Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize