umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
