let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
