My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to sanitize my soul.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
