You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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